It’s Friday night. This one time you’re home just with your parents instead of having the entire family over in your living room. You decide to watch a movie. So far so good. You’ve picked a good movie, made yourself comfortable and after about half an hour, the actors suddenly decide to get all intimate. This is the moment on which every Muslim starts to sweat and almost instinctively looks around for the remote control. Having to watch intimate scenes with your parents is awkward for almost everyone. But let me tell you: it’s ten times more awkward for Muslims. Here are some tips if you want to avoid this traumatic experience.
1. Pick a movie you have already seen.
Watching a movie you have already seen is definitely not as fun as watching something new. But let’s be honest, you’d do about anything just to avoid watching actors getting all sticky while your parents are sitting next to you. Great timing is needed with this tip. It’s all about disappearing in the kitchen at the right moment. When you know there’s an embarrassing scene coming up in a few minutes, just go to the kitchen. They probably won’t ask where you’re going since they’ll think you’re getting yourself a snack or something to drink. All you have to do is count to one hundred and then smoothly return to the living room. The smooching will most likely be over and you’ve brought yourself a snack. Double win!
2. Plan B
If you think watching a movie twice is way too lame and useless then you’ll have to stick to plan B. Plan B is all about having control. The only negative side is that you’ll have to hold the remote control in your hands the entire time. Just when you think the movie is going to unfold into some intimate scene, you press the forward button. And when I say forward button I mean the fast forward button. Not the kind where the forwarding goes just slow enough to create an even more awkward atmosphere. That’s not what we want. If you’re good enough of an actor you might want to add the sentence “Ugh, I sat on the remote control again, my bad!”. If you’re able to succeed at this without your parents noticing: Congrats, you’re officially a hero.
3. Watch a Disney Movie.
If plan A and B are just too risky for you, you could just play it safe and watch the Lion King. There’s plenty of sequels so you can even have three movie nights without having to freak out.
4. Movie nights are just not really made for you
If it bothers you to even watch lions hug each other while sitting next to your parents, just stick to watching a black screen, I bet you can make it exciting enough with a bag of crisps.
And last but not least: try to enjoy your movie, and may your remote control never give up on you when the time is not right.