The Good, the Bad, the Ugly: Ramadan Edition

Time for a sequel to an old favourite: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly. This time we take a closer look at some shenanigans we might run into in Ramadan.

Reading Qur’an

The Good: You read a Qur’an app on your phone while in prayer to help your concentration
I see this a lot and if it makes you concentrate more and is in line with your school of thought, go for it. The blinding but soothing white light emitting from your phone’s screen can ensure that everyone around you is wide awake for the prayer.

The Bad: You receive a text notification with a scandalous message while in prayer. The reason why most scholars prefer an actual Qur’an: no push notifications. Especially no push notifications from your “dawah project”.

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The Ugly: You respond to the scandalous text message while in prayer. Although it’s courteous that you replied with “can’t talk right now, praying”, I’m sure your dawah project can wait a couple of minutes.

Going to the mosque

The Good: You were late but still made it on time for Taraweeh
You might have a panic if you’re running late because you’d have to pray in the wudu area or the babysitting room but nothing feels better than making it on time for prayer.

The Bad: You parked in the handicap spot and an old masjid aunty on a wheelchair had to park across the street
Unfortunately the way you made it on time was to park at a premium spot at the mosque at the expense of the poor aunty on the wheelchair, who had to park at the Wal-Mart across the street and has to roll her way back ever-so-slowly.

The Ugly: The wheelchair aunty got hit by a bus on her way to the masjid. Oh no! Poor aunty. Don’t worry, she’s going to be okay. She is more emotionally hurt because someone took her usual handicap parking spot.

The Really Ugly: You’re the president of the mosque.

What handicap spot?

masjidpresident

Fasting

The Good: You fasted the entire day.
Nothing better than conquering a day of fasting… especially in this heat and north-pole like hours.

The Bad: All the clocks in your home are broken so you don’t really know what time it is and broke your fast at the wrong time.
Screwing up a fast because you broke it one minute early really sucks. Having reliable clocks in your home also helps. Also: having a phone from the 21st century that give you the time is a bonus.

The Ugly: You forgot to distinguish between AM and PM times; instead of fasting from 3:30am to 9pm, you fasted 3:30pm to 9am.

This is when you should have realized that something was a bit off with your fast. Opening your windows to see the sunlight pouring in should have clued you in with your iftar timings.

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Donating money

The Good: You donate to the masjid regularly.
Nice! The mosque needs money from people like you. The more you give throughout the year, the shorter the Taraweeh hostage fundraising situation.

The Bad: You donate to the masjid regularly only when someone is watching.
Give with your right hand so your left hand doesn’t know… but for some reason you want everyone to your left to be staring at you as you put the money in. #BadIntentions

The Ugly: You create a Snap Story every time you donate.
It doesn’t get any more humble than this.

Donating

This article originally appeared on Maniac Muslim.

Written by Maniac Muslim

Maniac Muslim

I’m a satirist. Since a lot of you don’t know what that is … it’s essentially someone who writes funny stuff. Or supposedly funny stuff. Nothing is done here to mock Islam. Just Muslims who do weird stuff that aren’t so Muslim-like. If you’re confused and/or angry then close your internet browser, pray two nafl and take a nap. http://maniacmuslim.com/