Unknown emotions but well-known disappointments. We have all known a period in our lives where our whole universe just starts to change, starting by our inner-universe. When all the things you once had all your faith in, just collapse. Where in this uncertainty of existence those people, those things, those memories where the only things that gave you a sense of control in a world of chaos. But then it all starts to change. You start to change. Change comes the moment you say to yourself: “This is a test from God, I know He’s testing me.”
As Allah subhana wa’tala says in His Book:
“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. “Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.” -Verse 286 surah Baqara
He knows you and your soul more than you know yourself, and He wouldn’t charge you with anything you couldn’t handle. So what are the answers to this test? To know the answers you must see the test. Those moments were you start doubting it all. Those echoes in your mind.
Those moments made me refuse to accept the ordinarity of life. Those moments made me realize that all that has come, it would be a shame to let it all go without ever feeling any of it.
Ironic right? But look at all this Rizq (blessings) that He has given us. Wouldn’t it be a denial of His greatness to take it all for granted? Even those moments of big disappointments, doubt and insecurities. For me those are the signs of His Rizq. To be able to grow, to learn, to acquire wisdom and knowledge at your own level by your own experiences. By handling that particular issue in a certain way, you may end up finding God without even realizing it.
We may spend many years wondering what may have caused all these disappointments. People coming, leaving. Hardships and obstacles coming, leaving. One disappointment after the other and so on. Stand still for a minute. What is God telling you?
Maybe, he was actually telling you this:: “if you keep focusing on these things, these worldly people, moments, feelings you will forget the sole purpose of this life. You will trade Dunya for Akirah. But only if you let them.”
So indeed, if all of these people may have stayed in our lives, we might have never seen their imperfection as human. It eventually all comes down to one thing: the essential point of letting go. Because holding on to something that isn’t worth holding on to, only makes you heavier, leaving you faced with gravity once you let go.
But how? Asking for guidance and forgiveness, forgive yourself your mistakes, by accepting the beauty of your wonderful struggle, by letting go of people who aren’t making you any better, you have a kind of spare energy left. All that energy we use to be mad at ourselves for reacting a certain way, to hate the way we saw something at that moment and so on are now returned into renewable energy.
If we let go and let God with all His Grace, and love and certainty get in, that is when your true journey begins. Let’s try to renew our energy for Him, by Him. His Greatness cannot be felt if we don’t catch it, or let it catch us. He is giving us all of this wisdom, daily. We only have to see and feel the Love. And that is the essential, that is the true energy. Because even in the darkest days, His Light will always shine the brightest.