“I Can’t Accept a Moroccan Girl Marrying My Son” – An Open Letter to My (Non) Future Mother-In-Law

Dear (Non) Future Mother-In-Law

I met your son while we were both studying abroad, in the most surprising way. He talked to me in the nicest manner possible, always being respectful and humble. The very first day we met, I remember him asking me, “Would that be okay for your parents if I am Pakistani?”

I replied, “As long as you are a Muslim, yes.” He smiled at my answer.

Now I know I should have asked him the same question.

We both made our intentions clear: to get to know each other’s characters and get married. We discussed about plans, projects, ambitions, and even baby names. We fell hard for one another. Ma’am, I love your son with all my heart and soul. I love him for his religion; I love him for his character. And I would like to think he loves me as much as I do.

But, dear (non) future Mother-In-Law, even if our religion taught us love and tolerance, you preferred to focus on my passport. “It has nothing to do with her, it is just that I can’t accept a Moroccan for my son.” When he told me you said that about me, I thought with my entire mind: I wish it had something to do with me.

Yes, you read it correctly. Hate me for my character; push me away for the way I am. But do not reject me for something I can’t control.  Ma’am, with all due respect, I have loved your son more than my own self. I used to wake up for prayers and call him so he could pray; I used to put his happiness before mine, and his name before mine while supplicating. But instead of choosing religion, you picked society and culture. Instead of looking into my heart, you looked into my passport.

What can I say Ma’am? I am speechless and hurt, I am angry and disappointed, I am sad and shocked. But I also am a forgiving person, who tries to see the positive side of everything. That is something you could have known if you tried to get to know me. If faith hasn’t brought us together, there must be a good reason there, which I am not aware of yet. It is killing me to think that the man, who should have been the father of my children, will now become a complete stranger. Not because of who he is, not because of who I am; but because of backwards traditions that are, not only insulting the essence of our religion, but also to the pure essence of humanity and brotherhood.

I am thinking of my fellow revert sisters. They picked, without being forced by family nor environment, their religion, the best of all. And I have heard so many stories of revert who were rejected by Muslims because of that. I always thought to myself, “Thank God this could never happen to me.” Thanks for proving me wrong, ma’am, thanks for showing me that I am not good enough, that I am not worth the try.

The funny thing is, I always thought you and I could be friends. From all the amazing things your son told me about you, I figured we could go shopping, learn from one another, and share on everything. Instead, you chose to destroy a Muslim girl’s dreams, a girl who could have been yours. I hope none of your daughters will face what I am facing right now. This feeling of anger mixed with tears and pain is no gift.

But anyway … I will, of course, not go against your wish. I cannot marry a man unless his parents agree. However, I will keep on praying for you, and for him. The love I carry for your son is not going to be easy to get rid of, but I trust Allah enough to know that an even more amazing man will knock at my door, and this time around his family will be thrilled to welcome me as their own.

Anonymous

Written by Mvslim

Mvslim

In the mixed society we live today, we went looking for the ideal platform for Muslims. And of course, we didn’t find it. So we made one ourselves.

  • Moustapha

    I love this, so much.

  • Sara

    Hello sister,,

    well i am so incredibly sorry this has happened to you and i hope the person you love is urged to hold on to you and not let you go because of some stupid society norms and hateful discrimination which is in essence AGAINST ALL ISLAM’S VALUES..

    عن ابن عباس قال جاء رجل إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال إن عندنا يتيمة وقد خطبها رجل معدم ورجل موسر وهي تهوى المعدم ونحن نهوى الموسر فقال صلى الله عليه وسلم: لم ير للمتحابين مثل النكاح
    الحديث صحيح…(السلسلة الصحيحة برقم (196) و في صحيح الجامع برقم (5200)
    وقد رواه ابن ماجه في سننه بسند صحيح…

    i pray you will find what is best for you inshaAllah,
    May Allah bless your heart

  • Bilal Mughal

    This girl is <3 i am really sorry that this happened to you. This is the only reason I hate my culture.

  • In Islam it is forbidden to form these kind of relationship. I have given my daughter the option to find someone or have an arrange marriage. She as a professional who grew up in u.k told me due to her piety that all my friends have now got married so dad could you and mum find me a suitable partner. Islam teaches us a way if we choose to follow it we will be successful if we do not then so be it take whatever comes to you.And guess what we cannot.

  • Uw

    I feel the article has mixed messages. On the one hand the author suggests the mother in law is insulting islamic values by her position, whilst on the other, the girl and boy have spent so much time in private talking to one another and discussing highly intimate topics.

    I do not agree woth either party, and the mother’s reasoning is not given so it very hard to give a fair judgement.

  • Houda

    All the people are on the street because of the hatred and racism being spread by “Trump” and his voters. But girst of all we should go on the street against the racism between us!!!

    That’s just insane. Don’t want to know what this girl is going through.

    Be patient my dearest Sister, maybe he will convince his family or god will send you another one with a adorable family.

  • Salman

    This girl is indeed better off not marrying this guy. Too many Pakistani Muslim guys are momma’s boys … they won’t take the initiative and do something for themselves if their mother opposes it – even if the mother is clearly wrong on all counts, and the man is correct on all counts.

    No need to write a long letter like this. Just tell your future non-mother-in-law thanks for saving you from a life of being married to a spineless guy.

    And yes, I’m a North-American-born Muslim with Pakistani parents whom I respect a lot, but I don;t worship them or let them walk all over me.

  • Your sister

    I hope this reaches the sister who wrote this. I’ve been through something similar my dear sister. All I can say is that if this matter hasn’t gone as you planned then there was something there that Allah has saved you from. Trust me on this. That’s part one of how to deal with such matters, to know there’s khayr and wisdom in it. Now the second part is your feelings that you have for this man and it might seem hard but it’s easy. Just make sincere duaa that Allah helps you to get over this man. Trust me when I say that this works, talking from experience. My duaa was answered in around two weeks I’d say alhamdulillah. It might seem impossible but nothing is impossible for Allah, He can remove this pain and sadness in an instant, just ask Him. You’ll be surprised

  • Amatullah

    You spoke to my soul. 3 years ago I went through the same exact thing. We were both Pakistani but apparently I wasn’t from the same village/area as him. I was never even given a chance. The pain is real. The heartbreak is real. Though the wound minimizes, the scar may be something you carry with you for a much longer period of time. I remember in those times in the heat of all I wondered what an injustice it was to stop two people who want to marry each other for no good reason. I had good days and bad, but what helps me to this day is knowing Allah has a better plan for me. I pray we can be the change in sha Allah. I pray that you and I and everyone else that has ever dealt with something like are blessed with righteous loving compatible companions ameen.

  • Um imran

    So sad 🙁 I had kindda the same with my turkisch in laws but after getting married they accepted it and now i.am even living with theme..hope for this girl a happy ending <3

  • Imran

    very sad. it is also shameful. many parents want their children marry from their own culture. they think it will be easy to adjust in the family.

  • Sister in Islam

    I have been going through a similar situation for the last 2 years. It helps to know we are not alone. I can relate to your pain and all the emotions around it. I’m really sorry sister. May Allah give them guidance and ease your suffering. It really is a true test and you can only cling on to the hope that Allah has better planned.

  • A very touching story this one. I also find most of the comments from brothers and sisters very inspiring. Allow me to add a few comments of my own.

    Allah has created us in different cultures, races and tribes so that we may know each other not that we may despise one another. The most noble in Allah’s sight is the one who is most righteous and upright in character. Parents should therefore consider character above all else in the choice of a potential spouse for their children! Allah says in the Holy Quran;

    O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the one who is the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things). Surat Hujurat 49:13

    Except for the character of the lady or man, a parent who brings up other objections to a lawful marriage between two young Muslims is setting up their own law other than submitting to the one prescribed by Allah. We aught to fear Allah! We have to fear Allah! There is no God except Allah if we are indeed believers! Let us listen and submit to Allah’s warning!

    …..Therefore fear not men, but fear Me (Allah), and sell not My ayats for a miserable price. If any do fail to judge by (the light of) what Allah hath revealed(Quran), they are no better than Unbelievers. Surat Al-Maida 5: 44

    At what miserable price (pride,culture,ego) have we sold the ayats of Allah? What do we expect to gain from it? Let us reflect!

  • YourSisteri

    My dear sister,

    when I read this letter, it was like I read what’s in my soul. I am now going through the same. We are both from the same nationality but his mother doesn’t agree with us because of some stupid arguments. Things that doesn’t have to do with me or him. I think it would be easier for me if she is against me.. if my character is bad or my personality is.
    For four months now I am broken. Four months of crying and sorrows are behind me. And it doesn’t stop …
    It’s so hard so let someone go who was the absolutely perfect match. The ONE who fits perfect to you. The one who lets you forget about all those bad things in life. The one who gave you so much strength.
    My only hope is by allah. The only thing I can say is: may allah give you and me Sabr. Sabr and strength to get through this and to make us happy someday…

    • Hope

      Sister , I found am not the only victim of pakistani women ,,,,,may allah give us sabr ameen,,,,,,

  • ismael

    Not wanting to marry someone from a particular country is a problem?
    But not wanting to marry someone from another religion or an atheist is somehow ok? The hypocrisy.

    • Chance

      Exactly! Got a dose of her own medicine

    • Quran gives rulings for those who believe in it. Hence there are limitations with regards to marriage and other aspects in life

  • mclaren42

    The ‘couple’ should have involved parents at a much earlier stage, delaying and allowing feelings to grow only worsens the potential heartbreak

    Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma attached with Morocco and so the mothers position is understandable to an extent.

    We muslims ourselves are to blame for letting the country deteriorate into a hub for prostitution and immorality.

    May Allah guide and protect us all. May Allah grant the sister an even better partner.

    • Alexander O. Malinowski

      Really Morocco has such a stigma? Can you elaborate?

  • Cristina Martinez Alanezi

    This couple is very immature. I understand meeting and falling in love. But even with marriage as an end goal, parents should be involved from day one. I am a revert and met my Arab husband. We fell in love from the start, but I asked him to speak to his mom and dad in front of me. Ask their permission for us to meet and their blessings. The parents appreciated our strainghtforwardness so much that they were Very supportive, even if it was against their culture to marry outside. What the mom did here is wrong, but the couple also do appear very immature. If you want to go the Islamic way, both sets of parents need to be involved and give blessing to the couple to move forward. It avoids heart breaks later. And if this couple is so set to marry, the man needs to grow a set of balls and confront his parents. Marry her anyway. And for those making fun of the fact that they wanted Muslim partners…that’s their right. People have the right to chose partners who value the same things.

    • Alexander O. Malinowski

      Sounds you have married a group, which practise Muslim inbreeding. The result might big share of genetical defects.

    • Hope

      Salam ,,,,,you are right , but in pakistan , a man should have his parents permission first ,if not he can’t marry ,,,,,Pakistani culture is hard to understand ,,,,,they are not like Arab ,,,,we Muslim Arabs , we accept other cultures ,,,but most Pakistani women are hard , n not accepting foreigners ,,,

  • Mukhter Ali Said

    Moroccan women are beautiful, and from what Iv’e seen in the states, educated, well balanced. Stop blaming your ethnic culture…Morocco and Pakistan are two modern nations, that would surprise your concept and your parents concept of a third world country. Grow a pair. Stop blaming other things Muslims have enough people who hate them, why create beef between each other?

  • TazKidNoah

    This is Y Nationalism is Morally wrong……u cant reject a person because of a Region…

  • Alexander O. Malinowski

    Typical Muslim tribalism.

  • Hope

    Dear sister ,,,,what you faced is less than what had faced ,,,,,,to marry a Pakistani is ,in fact, to marry all his family members ,is to accept their Hindu culture , is to face his hypocrite female members ,is to face a lot ,,n you have no right to defend , I married a pakistani , a good Muslim man , but his family did their best to make me unhappy , they got my psyche upside down , trust me sister allah protect u against what u could face there in case he asked u to live with his family, ,,,,,we Moroccan women , are good n straight to the path ,n Muslims , but there u would face strange feminine mentalities full of envy, hatred, hypocrisy though praying salat n wearing hijab ,,,,,,,,,I don’t deny that Pakistani men are perfect n good n lovable but trust me , up to now ,am still suffering from what I saw n faced their ,, ,,I wish you a good luck sister