A Letter From a Broken-Hearted Girl to Her Muslim Ex-Boyfriend

I will never forget the day I first met you. We had been texting for a while and I was so excited to meet you. Excited and nerve-wrecked, because I knew you had a different religion than me. But you told me it did not matter, and I believed you.

You made me feel great during the time we got to know each other, I thought we were on the same page. But there were little things that concerned me, like your perception of the lifestyle of others, gender equality and sexuality.  It should have been clear to me that I needed to break things off, but you were first.

Yes, I had sex with you and, yes, I drank alcohol, but I was not a bad person because of it. But according to you, I was. It didn’t matter you did the same things, I was a girl, so I was not allowed to do it. You used your religion as an excuse to break things off with me, a white girl who did not fit in your future. You liked me because I was free, because you could do things with me you couldn’t do with Muslim girls, but you also disrespected me for it.

I don’t blame your religion at all, I will always have respect and admiration for every religion. I blame you. You were not the man I thought you were. You used me as a tool for pleasure, but didn’t consider a serious relationship at all.

After you broke up with me, I was wondering: Am I the only one in this situation? I did a quick Google search and I found out that there were a lot of girls who were abused the same way. I didn’t feel alone in my pain anymore.

I know we don’t talk anymore, but I just wonder, what is the essence of religion? Is it not love? Love for God, love for your family, love for your neighbors, so why not love for people from a different religion? And what about respect? Should we only respect people from the same background and religion? Am I less valuable than women from your community because of my different faith?

I won’t deny that a relationship is easier if you share the same values. Of course it is easier if you meet someone who your family accepts as one of their own. But marriage is about much more than the same values and upbringing. It is about harmony and compromising. As long as the marriage is peaceful, understanding and loving, your marriage will be successful. And that is what love should all be about, I believe.

This article was written by Eline Schreurs.

Written by Eline Schreurs

Studente Journalistiek - Scouts - Reizen - Lezen

  • Mrs Bouachir

    It sounds to me like you are better off without him anyway. No one wants a husband who is so morally bankrupt and disgustingly misogynistic. Good for you, I say! Don’t look back on this in regret. Remember the happy times and move forward with lessons learned. There is someone out there for you who is better!

  • outer_rl

    “But there were little things that concerned me, like your perception of the lifestyle of others, gender equality and sexuality. It should have been clear to me that I needed to break things off, but you were first.”

    How exactly does it fit in with your assertion that love, harmony and compromise are more important than common values, if you now think you should have broken up with him over his politics?

    Anyhow, it works both ways. I’ve dated non-muslim girls who dumped me because they decided I didn’t fit in with their lifestyle and identity. You’ve just got to accept it wasn’t meant to be and move on.

  • A Muslim Girl

    Sorry to hear what you went through but honestly he should be ashamed.
    He said that you are not good because you had a relationship with him which makes him a hypocrite and its kind of disguisting how he used religion as a card to break-up with you.
    Hope you find a God-fearing honest man, Aameen.

  • A A-Ghadeer

    Two persons started a relationship knowing how different each is from the other, probably a relationship based on physical attraction, and each of them, on some point, knew it wasn’t meant to be.
    To any religious person of any faith, it’s a sin to have a sexual relationship outside marriage. But everyone has their ups and downs in faith and morals as in everything else. And that person is eventually going to regret the sin and break the relationship, and the other person’s heart.
    My modest opinion, is both parties need our solidarity and sympathy to move on. And neither of them should be shamed or hated for their beliefs.